Recently, I have been looking at why I resist, and what being aware of my resistance can show me. Often, I’ve heard others say to follow my joy, my intuition, to go with what feels right; reiterating that those are the most reliable and best choices for me. Learning to follow my intuition towards the positive, and what feels good to my body, mind and spirit, and to make choices based on that has been difficult for me. I’ve put a lot of time and attention, followed by action, into honing my intuition, for me to actually move towards resistance felt disorientating, however, I’ve found the outcomes to be enlightening.
For almost a year, I had been searching for an apartment here in Rome, Italy. There is a housing crisis in Rome because of the Catholic Vatican Jubilee, and the amount of Airbnbs opening up in hopes of great income from the expected increase in tourists visiting the Vatican. In fact, with two months left until my rental contract was up, my landlord suddenly wanted to meet to talk about “my situation”. I immediately had resistance to meeting my landlord. The last time I met with him I understood that we were going to talk about the possibility of me staying in my current apartment, and the meeting seemed to be about reiterating that I had to leave. I didn’t want to meet with my landlord again just to get a reminder of my lease end date.
I was resisting leaving my apartment, and any reminder of that. I kept trying to put off our meeting, which made me pause, unusual for me until now, and, wonder, what is this resistance telling me? Is it really my intuition keeping me safe, or would facing this resistance and meeting my landlord give me new insight? In truth, this resistance was keeping me stagnant and in a fear state, so what did I have to lose? I decided to meet him.
Right after greeting each other, he said he had an apartment available for me. I was stunned. I was also happy I met him! The apartment is a perfect fit, and an upgrade! What news, what relief, and what a twist of fate!
Shortly afterwards, I began to buy items for the new apartment. I was browsing items online when I started thinking about how I truly have never regretted buying something that I really liked that was nicer and cost more. However, as I searched online for each item, I began to notice how much time and resistance I put into comparing prices on items, trying to find the best deal, when suddenly I realized that generally in my life I was repeatedly selling myself short on all the goodness this life has to offer for sometimes only a twenty euro savings. When something so small as buying a higher priced item can bring so much resistance, I realized that looking at any size resistance is important.
Not only what I feel called to do, or what feels good can lead me to healing and a better life. Equally, what makes up my resistance propels me into newness, and opportunities I never expected. In facing resistance, I’ve moved beyond my current, limited perspective like when climbing a mountain, just beyond the intense climb is the sweetest view!